No formal “In theaters” Column This Week

Every now and again the messy business of reality intrudes its way into my writing schedule and knocks it right the heck off track.  I have an extremely …life-intensive weekend upcoming that will may see sparse posting until Monday.  Can’t be avoided.  Well, in this case, I actually HAVE avoided it successfully for quite a long time, but my intentionally vague…thing does not dovetail well with breezy, witty cinema banter.

And, no, it is not my annual depression following the release of yet another Transformers film that makes me launch into my “LET’S SHOOT MICHAEL BAY INTO THE SUN!” speech.  Though….imagine the YouTube traffic for that video.  Given that the current fifth installment in slowly curb-stomping my childhood involves Transformers interacting with King Arthur, and that they’ve STUCK MY LAST NAME ON THE MAIN HUMAN CHARACTER IN THIS FARCE, I could easily go into my annual apoplexy….but, no, we’re breathing, we’re breathing, aaaand there.  Transformers: The Last Knight will win the weekend, but its take looks like the record-low reviews (even for Transformers sequels) are catching up with it, but-have no fear-as China seems to love our crappiest films, there will be more than enough overseas gross to continue my annual torment.  Cars 3 had an underwhelming opening for Pixar, and I am wondering how much of a drop it will see in week 2.  I’m expecting Wonder Woman to keep holding strong with repeat business.  Sequel insanity continues next week with Despicable Me 3, which will get an actual column, not a rant (well the rant may be INSIDE the column).  Stab the minutes, time killers, stab the minutes.

In Theaters This Week (6/16/2017): Cars 3, Rough Night, 47 Meters Down

Each Thursday we look at what is going to be coming out in theaters this weekend, show you the trailers for the big releases, predict the box office winner and just generally give you enough of a carrot to pull you through the rest of the work week.  Pixar has arrived to unseat Wonder Woman, but it’s Cars 3 so…yay?  OR you can see Mandy Moore and sharks or a seemingly random Scarlett Johansson movie.

Poll Results: What’s Your Most Anticipated Summer 2017 Film?

Now that the chaos of March is done, we have a fairly quiet month reserved for The Fate of the Furious to rule until the summer movie season begins proper in May.  Killing Time readers voted and their most anticipated film of the season is the first one out of the gate: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.  Remember waaaay back in 2014 when no one knew (ok, yes, I knew) who Star Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot were?  Marvel took a huge gamble on casting big names and giving director James Gunn all the money he needed to make a science fiction epic and open the cosmic corner of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  It opened the first week of August and practically steamrolled the box office for two months, ending up the year’s highest grossing film.  Now all those characters and more are movie icons and the sequel is getting the coveted “Marvel May Weekend” summer spot.  What a difference three years can make.

Poll: What’s Your Most Anticipated Summer 2017 Film?

Amazing as it was, it’s nice to finally put 2016 to bed and to get on to the business of a new year of movies.  I apologize for being a big behind on reviews, but I should have that caught up by the weekend.  The summer is traditionally where the movie industry showcases their biggest, loudest, splodiest, franchisiest entries, but-let’s face it=summer began last week with Logan.  Summer, now-apparently-runs from March to August, but we’re going to be all crazy traditional and limit this year’s Most Anticipated Summer Film to May – August (we’re wacky like that).

Trailer Time: Cars 3 Trailer #2 (2017) *Why…So…Serious?*

Cars 2 was an abomination.  It was just…awful.  So begins the next chapter in “I Struggle to Cope with Cars 3 Being a Thing”.  There’s no reason whatsoever to make a third Cars film, but if you are doing it (they are), is the way to rebound from the idiocy of having cars be super spies in France (did you think I forgot that, Lasseter, no….no) is to make the series super gritty and serious?  The first teaser, which comprises the first half of this trailer probably traumatized half a million kids by showing Lightning McQueen getting pulverized.  This feels like any Rocky movie after Rocky 2.  He’s OLD!  NO!  IT CAN STILL HAPPEN!  Synopsis below.  Continued coverage on my least anticipated Pixar film ever will continue out of sheer cussedness.

Blindsided by a new generation of blazing-fast racers, the legendary Lightning McQueen (voice of Owen Wilson) is suddenly pushed out of the sport he loves. To get back in the game, he will need the help of an eager young race technician, Cruz Ramirez, with her own plan to win, plus inspiration from the late Fabulous Hudson Hornet and a few unexpected turns. Proving that #95 isn’t through yet will test the heart of a champion on Piston Cup Racing’s biggest stage!

Cars 3 is scheduled to make me drink on June 23, 2017.